Attorney General Sessions Holds Press Conference in Collinsville, IL To Announce that Dairy Milk is Now Illegal

Collinsville, IL
Attorney General Jeff Sessions held a press conference today in Collinsville at the Farm Fresh store to announce that dairy milk is now illegal. Sessions stated that there are too many people that are lactose intolerant. When asked why he chose Farm Fresh in Collinsville, he replied, “This store has sold more fresh milk than any other in the country. I recall stopping for milk here once in 1998. Nice woman named Jill sold me the tastiest glass bottle of milk I ever done drank.” He added, “Those days are over. Now I get the bubble guts from milk, yogurt and even cheese. This administration will take a hard line against anyone caught using dairy products of any kind.”