Inauspicious Packer Fanboy Goes Missing From Menlo

Menlo College is asking for your help to find missing student athlete Aiden Mitchell. Menlo spokesperson (who requested to remain anonymous) was quick to apologize for campus security falling asleep yet again while many family, friends, and teammates were calling to check on his well being. Aiden, but you call him Mitch, was last seen running from his TV room approximately around the time former Chicago Bear and current San Francisco 49’er Robbie “good as” Gould decapitated future relations between him and his Super Bowl wet dreams with one solid kick to the jugular. When asked for comment, one of Aiden’s family members (who also requested to remain anonymous) had the following to say, “there’s always a silver lining. While we do miss that little Mitch, at least we can throw out all of this ugly green and gold shit. We’re sure he’s alright. Clearly you haven’t heard about his ability to blow out his back squatting 80 lbs and being able to to power tamp the game mound less than 24hrs later screaming Go Rodgers and Packers. Hopefully when found, he thanks us for his insane recovery time and gains. We spiked every one of his meals over break with TB12 supplements. Hopefully he’s on a soul searching mission where no 4 locos, mid 2000 dance mix cd’s, and shitty state farm commercials exist. Perhaps his matching oaks will drop and he comes back like a beast. But for now, you can call him Mitch.”

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