May 11, 2017
According to The Augusta Jailed Report:
A 30-year-old woman had the winning lottery ticket worth over 3 million dollars last Friday night, but showed up to work anyway on the following Monday to deliver one last package.
She delivered it personally to her (now former) boss’ desk.
Her employer had no idea of her winnings. Witnesses say she came to work as usual, but noticed she didn’t seem interested in doing anything but staring at her boss’ door. when he left for lunch, that is when she made her move.
“I knew something was wrong because I came back from lunch and the door to my office was closed, but I typically leave it open.” said her now former manager. “So, when I noticed it closed, I slowly opened the door to discover her with her pants around her ankles, hunched over on my desk like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo on my desk. She shot her head towards me and locked eyes with me and grinned. I was frozen in shock and fear. In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory. And GOD at the smell”
“It was worth it,” the yet to be identified woman said on arrest. “On Friday when I realized I hit the lotto, I knew this would be the first thing I would do. I hit up every Mexican food truck and saved my dumps all weekend. I was shuffling around like a death-row inmate trying not to explode. I’ve been putting up with that guy’s shit for years, it’s time he put up with some of mine.”